The Battle Within

I’ve been wrestling with the burden of writing the last few weeks. It’s not necessarily that I haven’t been motivated to write, or even that I didn’t know what to write. I think that what it really has come down to is a limiting belief that I’m not a very good writer. In particular I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts in a coherent way to describe the details of the Mars NOW! plan for the blog. It’s kind of confounding because when I’m talking to someone about my dreams and ambitions I’m pretty good at articulating my thoughts and spinning the vision, but when I try to put stuff down on paper I suppose I tend to start to overthink each word and second guess how stuff comes across. Ideas that are supposed to be so simple get bogged down in details and the essence of what I’m trying to convey gets lost.

I recently finished reading a book called Grit by Angela Duckworth. She specifically talked about the challenges of writing a book and how it requires countless iterations of revision and refinement. I’m trying to focus on writing without trying to make it all perfect on the first go around, and silencing that voice in my head that tells me my efforts are inadequate. The funny thing is that it took me five minutes to write that last sentence. It’s a work in progress.

I knew when I started down this road that I would have a lot to learn, but I refining my writing abilities was not a skill that I was expecting to spend much time on. Nevertheless, I really believe that this blog is a critical piece of the puzzle for making my dream a reality. I know that there’s only so much that I can do myself, and I have to enlist the collaboration of people who can help me amplify my efforts. Maybe one of these days that will include someone who can help me with editing this blog, but for now that’s on me. I’ll tell you what’s driving me though.

It might sound like this struggle to write and express my thoughts coherently is a great burden, but there’s a bright side to it. I have this recurring thought that if this was the only thing standing between me and being able to go to Mars, I’d move heaven and earth to become a veritable Ernest Hemingway. This is a small challenge, and I am going to rise to the occasion. I sure appreciate you, my readers, being patient with me and being witnesses to this journey of becoming. Ultimately I think that what I’m doing isn’t just about going to Mars, but it’s about who I become along the way.

One thought on “The Battle Within

  1. Lee, I had to laugh when I read on your “About” page that you thought your “sister had been endowed with most of the literary skills.” First, thanks for the lovely compliment (which I may or may not deserve); and second, just keep writing. As you do, you’ll hone and develop your already considerable skills. I’m so proud of you, Lee: honored to call you my brother, and pleased to see you taking real steps to reach your dreams.


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